Yesterday, however, I received notice from authorities in New Hampshire that I'm being charged with contributing to the nutritional delinquency of a dog. They have photographic evidence of the crime:
In my defense, I will mention the following facts:
1. At home, I never feed dogs people food unless it's something that falls on the kitchen floor and they get to it before I do.
2. But I admit that I lost my head while in someone else's house in NH, possibly because I'd had a few sips of wine.
3. Please be aware that my act was intended as therapeutic because Chelsea, my so-called victim, was moping and clearly in need of some TLC.
4. And finally, my so-called victim is a mistress of manipulation.
