Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Canine Geometry

I'm happy to announce that the 2,489th edition of Webster's Dictionary will include this illustration for the word PERPENDICULAR.

Canine Pie Chart

Here we have your canine pie chart. Like every other statistician on earth, I quickly draw your attention to the things in it that agree with my personal assessment of the situation and ask that you ignore any data that refutes my assessment. Understood? OK, let us begin our analysis. It is clear from this chart that 51% of the floor space is occupied by black dogs while only 49% is occupied by brown dogs. From this we must conclude that black dogs are superior and therefore must be fed 2% more kibble than brown dogs. The findings of this important study will be published by Dr. McMillan in the April 2011 issue of the International Journal of Inconsequential Data, with a byline in tiny print giving Dr. P. credit for shampooing the carpet before the experiment was conducted. Teddy's saying, "Was that my cell phone I heard ringing?" His ringtone is the theme song from "Lassie Come Home."

What I learned at my father's knee

Babe reports that he is learning a lot at his father's knee, with special emphasis on heinies and peepees.

Monday, March 21, 2011

Father & Son

We feared that Jinx (alpha dog) would hate Babe, but instead, he's adopted him as a son. The family resemblance is quite clear (although Babe is much longer than he is tall, while Jinx is very tall). Jinx is busy teaching Babe how to be a man. The rest of the dogs are busy teaching Babe how to be a dunderhead. Babe exhibits aptitude for both roles.

Saturday, March 12, 2011


We got your short dogs, we got your medium dogs, we got your long dogs. Black dogs, blonde dogs, brown dogs, white dogs, everything dogs. Adopt one, get one free. Mix-n-Match! Cheaper by the dozen! Get 'em now, before we run out!