Sunday, January 31, 2010

He ain't heavy

Teddy sings: "He ain't heavy, he's my brother."

Then he thinks: Well, maybe a little heavy. But I don't mind, really I don't.

Friday, January 29, 2010

Only $640 for eyeglasses

In October 2009, I finally got a new pair of eyeglasses, with really nice frames and gradient bifocal lenses, for $320. The old ones were so bad, I could see better without them than with them. I just love my new glasses. When not wearing them, I usually stash them in an eyeglass case in my purse, safe behind the bedroom door, but one day I foolishly left them on the middle of the kitchen table. Also on the kitchen table that day: two baskets of prescription medication & vitamins (one for me, one for Mr. P.), a lazy Susan with salt, pepper, hot sauce, Molly McButter, and other necessities, 6 magazines, the grocery list, 2 placemats, 2 napkins, 1 pen, and 1 coaster. The value of the "also" items was altogether maybe half the value of the glasses. If you were a dog, which item would you choose? How about a magazine that you could shred into a zillion tiny pieces? Naw, that's no fun any more. How about a ballpoint pen, nice and crunchy, with a tasty filling of blue ink to stain the furniture? Naw, that's no challenge at all.

No, what Jinx chose was my eyeglasses. I heard a crunching noise and raced into the living room, but it was too late. Most of the (plastic) lenses had gone down his gullet and the frames were beyond rescue.

Today I picked up my replacement glasses, for another $320 ("My dog ate them" is not a sob story that earns a discount at Union City Eye Care).

One of my coworkers asked what became of my glasses and when I explained, she said, "Your husband is going to kill that dog." So true. And that's why I'm asking you not to tell Mr. P. If anybody kills Jinx over this incident, it's going to be ME.

Monday, January 25, 2010

Oh no, not again!

When I came home from work this afternoon, a new cat greeted me in the garage - a clean, pretty, mostly white chunkster. When I petted her, Miss Kitty and Smoky came charging out to object to sharing the affection. Then I forgot about the newcomer for a while, as I was a teeny bit preoccupied by the 7 dogs who claimed they had not been fed in at least 92 years.

When Mr. P. got home an hour later, he asked me if I had met our new boarder.

"You mean the new kitty?"

"Yeah," he said, "The pregnant one."

Oh, so that's why she's so chunky. That's just marvelous. According to Mr. P., she showed up last night, settled onto a doormat he had stashed on one of the storage shelves in the garage, and refused to leave. He says that Miss Kitty and Smoky are not at all happy about the new kitty but so far their hissing hasn't budged her.

"Just wait until her kittens arrive," Mr. P.

Oh no, not again!

Sunday, January 24, 2010

Recovering from Saturday Night

Berry had quite a Saturday night, out partying with his pals. He explains:

So Zach got a text from this chick Ashley who sits in front of him in biology class telling us to head over to Brittany's house cuz her parents went to Bermuda for a week. Jake drove us there in his sister's VW bug, man it was like clowns in a circus car, me and Jake and Ryan and Justin and Carlos and Dylan and Dylan's Dark Fire Gibson he got for Christmas. Dylan never lets go of that thing, like it's his girlfriend or something, and he hasn't even taken one guitar lesson yet. Anyway, by the time we got there, there musta been 3000 kids there already, and Ashley's sister Kayla had some awesome weed and we all got baked. Man, I think I'm still baked. The last thing I remember is trying to bungee jump off the top of Brittany's little sister Amber's swing set, and then I woke up with my head stuck in the headboard of Mr. & Mrs. Wheaton's bed. So that's my story, and I'm sticking to it. Now I'm gonna take a nap, if that's OK with you?

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Double Decker Dogs

Teddy and Georgie are quite fond of each other, in their own strange way. They spend a lot of time trying to piss each other off, but if I intervene and tell them to stop picking on each other, they're back at it 3 minutes later. And Georgie will actually fall asleep in the same chair as Teddy. This time, Polly hopped up and, finding no pug-shaped spot for herself, settled down right on top of poor Georgie.

Friday, January 15, 2010

Guard Post

Corporal Jinx on duty at his guard post.

No one has the heart to tell him he's facing the wrong way, away from the window. Or maybe he has eyes in the back of his head, like my mom.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Tell me you love me

Polly: Georgie, do you love me?

Georgie: Wha'?

P: Do you love me?

G (sighing): You know I do.

P: How do I know that? You never say it.

G: I don't have to say it to feel it.

P: Yes you do.

G: Aw, c'mon, Polly.

P: Just say it once. "I love you, Polly."

G: (mumbling)

P: Say it like you mean it!

G: (mumbling louder)

P: Oh thanks, I feel so much better now.

G (under his breath): Women!

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Red Alert!

Don't you worry. The 9 Dogs Security Team is on duty 24/7.

Biscuit Time Dance

Polly, Georgie and Patch get small dog biscuits as treats. Georgie and Polly demand those biscuits, because we trained them to go into their crates by using biscuits as lures. I give them each one biscuit first thing in the morning, and another single biscuit before I go to bed at night. I measure their nightly dog kibble. So why is Polly gaining weight when she is almost never still? Because Mr. P. throws a handful of dog biscuits on the kitchen floor when he gets up in the morning and before he goes to bed.

To reward us for obeying her commands, Polly performs a special dance.

Here's a video of the evening biscuit dance performance.

Tastes Just Like Chicken

Frog legs are a popular item on restaurant menus here.

I've tried frog legs several times over the past 40 years. I guess I keep hoping they'll taste like chicken (as my mom promised) instead of swamp, but no luck so far.
Georgie's frog legs, however, look mighty tasty.

Saturday, January 9, 2010

Live and in Concert...Georgie!

So, my old digital camera (possibly overloaded by dog photos) finally s**t the bed. The new one I bought today (for $50 less than the original) is smaller, 1000 times easier to use, and it shoots videos too! That feature may seem like nothing to tech-savvy folks who use their cell phones to shoot videos, access the Internet, compose symphonies, and who knows what else. But I am reminded of my childhood home movies, taken with an enormous, clunky camera and viewed with an enormous, clunky projector on an enormous, clunky roll-down screen. My father's brother, Archibald, was our family's photographer (almost to the point of being obnoxious, bless his heart). We kids used to call him "Uncle Archibulb" because every time we saw him, flash bulbs would go off. Each bulb was good for one flash, so sometimes we could escape while he was affixing a fresh bulb to the camera.

But back to today's feature movie, "Hello Georgie." Not nearly as polished as "Hello Dolly", and it features some unneccessary views of my feet, but it does show off my handsome boy and his snuffling, with heartfelt performances by Georgie & Jean, and a delightful cameo by Polly. I suppose I will have to film "Hello Polly" now. We'll need costumes for that.

Note the big stain on the rug, behind Georgie. That's where he puked up a gallon of poop the other day. I've cleaned it with the rug shampooer twice and although it looks a lot better than it did, I fear it will need more work. On my part, Georgie, not yours. Please.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

My Little Pony

I'm having a hard time getting a shot of Meg that shows what a HORSE she is. Teddy is scrawny, Jinx is tall and leggy, Berry is chunky but muscular, and Meg little pony.

But as you can see, a happy pony.

Miss Kitty has been tormenting the dogs by sitting on top of a fence post, or on the roof of their house, and casually licking her paws, as if to say, "You're not a threat at all. You're so boring, I can give myself a bath while you work yourselves into a frenzy. Na Na de Na Na."

I think Jinx would gladly eat Miss Kitty, but Meg would like to have a girlfriend, even of the feline variety. They could go shopping together, and send each other text messages, and have mani/pedis together.

You want me to sleep where?

Dear Grammy,

You want me to sleep in the dog house?

Yes, Grampa insulated it. Yes, there are dog crates and blankies in it. Yes, I can snuggle with my siblings in it. But why would I do that, when I can sleep here, on the bed in your office, with two pillows, and a Grammy to kiss and cuddle me? Just tell me why. Or give me a big, raw steak to lure me outside. C'mon, when I lie here like this with a big smile on my face, don't you want to cuddle me? You want me to sleep where?


Sunday, January 3, 2010

A Big New Year

In northwest Tennessee, folks ask each other, "Did you have a big Christmas?"

They don't mean big in terms of a big pile of presents. They mean big in terms of celebration - family get-togethers, meals, parties, church events.

Here at 9 Dogs Howling, we had a real big New Year's Day. It totally wiped out Georgie and Polly. Fortunately there were plenty of sunny spots to recover in.