To: The World
Re: Kitty Alert
It has come to my attention that yet another cat has taken up residence in MY YARD. This cannot be allowed. Every member of my staff will report to my office at 8:00 a.m. tomorrow for a briefing meeting. Yes, I know that's Sunday, but this is an extreme threat. The well-being and safety of every citizen is at risk.
Effective immediately, you are under orders to shoot (or bite) to kill any unauthorized felines who venture into MY YARD.