Fritz and Ziggy continue their narrative:
Two nights ago Mom and Dad were watching a stupid movie about star wars. It didn't have any dogs in it so we went into the laundry room and ate some cat poop! It's delicious and you should see how Mom and Dad react to our breath when we come back into the t.v. room and jump in their laps! Mom made us go outside and drink water until we "aired out", whatever that means!
Georgie loves to eat dog poop. He says it's even better than cat poop, except it doesn't have that nice crunchy coating of kitty litter. (Georgie adds: "And dog poop makes your breath much, much worse than cat poop. And your farts are fantastic. They can clear a room faster than shouting, 'Look, here comes Anita Bryant' in a gay bar.")
Fritz & Ziggy:
Mom said that when you come to visit you would let us sleep with you in the guest room. We normally sleep in our crate, but if you are scared we'll sleep with you. We will also make sure you are safe when you go to the bathroom. We like to go there with Mom because we are worried that she will get sucked down that thing you call a toilet when the water goes down, down, down.
Heaven forbid I should have to sleep by myself in a dark room or go to the bathroom alone. I'm not sure I even know how to do that by myself any more. And if you think the toilet is risky, have you ever checked out the shower? First you get wet and soapy (only a human would think of doing that), and then everything starts swirling down the drain…the whole shower thing worries Georgie constantly. Or at least when he's awake long enough to notice.